Down the well again
Coming up for air, oh wow I did it again...
I went down in a death spiral towards the deep abyss of distraction and shortsighted uncaring. A whole week has gone by without accomplishing anything.
The story of my life repeats as my good intentions and motivation vanish quietly.
Sometimes I wish it would be a loud crash and burn and then perhaps the embarrassment to myself would stick in my memory.
Self loathing won't get me anywhere either, let's do a Root Cause Analysis because that is what software devs do when a problem happens. We want to know why it happened and how to make sure it doesn't happen again.
- Describe the issue and its impact
I wasted a week being totally unproductive. I devoted my free time to personal entertainment and didn't even exercise even though I committed to working hard for the next six months.
- List potential reasons why the issue happened
I went on a weekend family vacation so I used that as an excuse to have my own vacation around the sides of the family one.
New distractions, a video game release and a great scifi book series sucked me in.
I am a little lost in what to do next with my current pursuit of becoming a lifestyle entrepreneur.
I am experiencing difficulty at building my own tools so I want to run away and quit.
I am stressed by a project at work that I keep getting stuck on too.
- Identify the root cause
Escapes, all the problems above are escapes that come from not believing in the benefits of my endeavor and that I cannot be successful.
- Provide a prevention strategy and solutions
Commit to a schedule: don't start entertainment as a 'break' before working hard, I simply cannot stop once I start.
Reaffirm motivation: why I am doing this when I could be resting with entertainment
I love books, I love video games, and I love relaxing. Years ago my unspoken (or not thought about) goals were to create the optimal life for the above loves while also providing for my family and meeting social norms. I have been quite successful.
But those goals are shallow. My life is shallow.
What important things am I missing?
Purpose: after a day of entertainment or working on my corporate job I don't feel any sense of accomplishment or that I spent my time well.
Relationship: a salary job is restrictive and takes priority over most of my life. I can't live in another country for months with my family and I can't be an active part of my kids school and family life because my time is owned by another entity.
Freedom: I want to buy out my own time to live and learn anywhere, anytime to give myself and family space to grow.
But can I actually do it? Can I even really try to do it? Am I strong enough?
I hope so and I guess we will find out.
Next step, scheduling and following through.